I recently had an experience that has literally left me breathless at times.
As I begin to see the impact of one very simple decision made early one morning during my study and meditation time, I marvel at how intricately and well designed our lives are. There are no accidents, events are not random and coincidence is pride taking credit for spiritual serendipity- at least, this is my (pretty unshakable) opinion!
I have always teased that I have room for only one hate in my life. It’s held pretty true in my life as I tend to have one person that I simply cannot get along with despite any effort put forth. I’ve been okay with this- I guess it is not a very good thing to admit to, but it is what it is :0 When we moved to Texas, I got a big ole’ bee stuck up in my bonnet and I found my ‘one hate’. I had convinced myself that she had done “this” and “that”, so my feelings were definitely justified! This poor gal is an amazing person and why exactly I picked this bee up and put it in my bonnet I still haven’t figured out. Luckily, the two of us didn’t have a lot of interaction, but we did go to church together (yeah, this confession gets more embarrassing as I tell it) so there was plenty of opportunity for my blood to boil. In all honesty, I never spoke to anyone of my feelings, never spoke ill of her- EVERYTHING I felt and thought was held deep in my own heart and mind!
One morning I was studying progress- specifically what holds us back from progressing & what actions allow us to progress further. With my books at my side, I sat quietly to consider what I had just read- it was a passage from the book of Job in the Bible- and all of a sudden I knew that I needed to ask this gal for her forgiveness. Not just lay aside my feelings, but confess them to her!!! To top it off, I felt very strongly in my heart that I was under a time line- I had 24 hours to issue my heart felt, sincere apologies, tell her how I had felt and ask for forgiveness. I tried to talk myself out of it for about 5 minutes, but it was obvious this was NOT my imagination- there was a purpose to this and it needed to be sincere. I said a quick prayer asking for her heart to be softened and I took the plunge…
Okay, I took the wimpy approach and sent an email.
Within 5 minutes, she called me! I was a heart pounding, knees knocking nervous wreck. We talked, I expressed how I had felt, the things I had thought of her and reassured her that my feelings had been my own and I had not spoken ill of her. She admitted that she had known something was wrong, but wanted to give me space rather than confront me.
She forgave me…
Now we are great friends!
And, as it turns out, there was a purpose behind the process. Not only are we friends but we are partners in the biggest miracle I have ever been blessed to be part of.
I have two wonderful kiddos who have entered my life completely by divine plan. Some might say coincidence, but the more I understand and learn, the more I defend “Divine Plan”! Because of a lot of LIFE STUFF that these kids have gone through, I wanted to somehow be a help to their family. I knew that I needed a partner in this desire and who was the FIRST person to come to my mind- Yup! my nemesis turned friend!
In four months I have been blessed with an increased sense of love, compassion, charity, kindness, acceptance, determination and desire to serve than I have had in my 44 years of life prior! To say my life has been changed, my capacity to love increased and my personal balance in line would all be a HUGE understatement. I cannot wait to see where this journey eventually ends, but more important is that I feel incredibly blessed and privileged to be on the journey at all- a journey I enjoy every moment of every day!
And it started with forgiveness! Well, it started first with a desire to learn- it moved into humility to swallow my own pride and hurt. After eating the biggest piece of humble pie- than it moved to forgiveness.
My heart was touched, the voice I heard was still and quiet- but it told me I needed to make this relationship right, NOW! And in answer to my prayer, her heart was softened, bridges were repaired and a friendship has been forged!
I love this quote from Nelson Mandela,
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies” You can replace any anger or hostility filled word for ‘resentment’ but the thought is the same. The only person that really suffers with hostility, anger, hurt, resentment or hate is the person who is feeling it! If you are holding on to a negative emotion or two (or 6,000)- Let It Go! Lay it Aside- it is possible there is no room for the miracles in your life to come because you are simply too full to receive them.
Forgive, Forget & Move On
Blessings & Balance to you and yours,