My little sister and I were chatting on the phone yesterday. It was one of those “oh my gosh, we’ve talked for two hours” kind of phone calls! We were talking about all things family- the worries, concerns, blessings, and all the beauties of being mom’s in our world today.
Traci is 10 years younger than me.
Her oldest child is the same age as my youngest and she just had baby boy #4. I am the oldest, she is the baby of our mixed up family dynamics. We share a lot of the same hopes and dreams for our children, so we chat a lot about parenting concerns; yesterday was one of those days. We were talking about some of the events of the past few weeks, which have been pretty crazy for both of us, and sharing thoughts and ideas to give hope and a little courage to one another.
I modified a quote for today’s Yoga practice that made me think of my conversation with my sister…
“If it doesn’t happen today,
It’ll happen tomorrow.
If it can’t happen tomorrow,
It’s isn’t important enough for today”
As we chatted, I realized that if I was given the opportunity to go back and change ONE thing, it would be an easy thing to pick…
I would not change that my mom passed away when I was 11,
I would not change that I lost 3 ENTIRE family’s by the time I was 13,
I would not change the little bit of crazy that existed in my home,
I would not change my high school experience, my rebellious decisions, the blue hair,
… and, much to my grandma’s shame, I would not change the “turquoise boots, white lace dress and leggings” phase that took my grandmothers breath away at the bus stop (not in a good way)
I would not change the feelings of loneliness, self-esteem struggles or the constant battles of bodily fluff!
I would not change when I got married, my college decisions, or my decision to be a stay at home mom! And I would not have my health struggles be taken away!
Nope, if I could go back and change one thing…
I would get rid of my “TO DO” lists- instead, I would sit down every single, solitary day and give my babies a hug until they could FEEL my love…
I would not just tell them, I would make sure my love was so ingrained in their hearts, minds, and souls that it would be the FIRST thing they felt when they woke up each morning and the last thing they’d feel when their heads hit their pillows….
I would not ASSUME they believed me when I said “I love YOU”;
I would not assume that the sacrifices I was making to stay home with them each day was translating to my desire to put them first in my life;
I would not assume that the fun crafts I made, the themed birthday parties I threw and the treasures I filled my home with were seen as “you are something special to me”.
I would tell each one of my children how beautiful they are,
I would tell them how talented they will become,
I would help them draw their dreams and I would watch as they took their dreams further than they thought possible.
I would laugh when they laughed and cry when they cried.
I would forget to do the dishes more often,
instead staring into the blue sky with my babies, looking for signs that God is good.
I would point out miracles, EVERY single one I saw, from the amazing busy-ness of the ant to the healing of a dear friend.
I would put everything down and read Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom and Not Now Said Cow just 7 times 70 more times!
I would not get angry, instead I would be grateful that I was entrusted with a life teaching opportunity.
I would wake up each morning and pray for forgiveness for my follies and beg for heavenly compassion, patience, and tender mercy to fill my heart
Yup, if I could change one thing,
I would put away my cute, color coded, and organized “TO DO” lists
and I would sit down with my babies until they KNOW who they are and they could feel like they could touch Heaven because they could feel my love!!
If I could change one thing,
My children would not hold my heart in their hands, they would FEEL my heart in their SOUL!!!